Travel Blog!

Headlines from the Front:

Christy is in Depression-era Mansion on Beautiful River, Tells Rest of World to "Suck It."
Gramma is Aged, Insane
Family goes through 8-10 wine bottles a night, mostly to deal with Gramma
Cousins Are Super-Cool
Morrisons Go to "Fancy" Town in Sonoma, Mock Locals Together
New Limits: One Bottle of Wine Daily Now Deemed Medically Appropriate (Seriously, look that shit up.)
Kayak-ensconced Christy Runs Down Duck After Too Much Wine Tasting


...and that's just half of day one...

Christy is a liar

This is Christy's away message:
Auto Response from (AOL SN) (2:25:57 PM):

Goooooood morning!

It's time for coffee and cinnamon bun, and then time for a morning constitutional to work it all off :)

As we can see from photographic evidence it is apparently time for passed the fuck out.

Please visit me here.

Please read my new article on thisisby.us

Oh, the humanity!

There's someone you should meet. The fellow on the right's name is Will. Short for Stupid William, this little fucker is the house mascot/resident jungle cat/King of the Universe, at least in his own warped mind.

Why do you need to know Will? Well, because he pretty much sets the tone for the house. His violence, and he is violent, is reflected in our violence, the nightly living room kung fu battles, greeting friends and company with "Hey, Stupid!" and grinning like a bandit at times of conquest.

Will Facts:

Will will drop the nastiest deuce in the history of bean burritos, walk through the living room, and wink at you. Wink.
Will does not care if he is taking up the entire couch for he is giant, and you are weak.
Will can and intends to bite off your left arm.
Will is smarter than you.
When Will is fully grown, he will kill the next monster pig.
Will cares not who or what you are, you are owned by Will.
Will's take no shit attitude endears him to all.
Will is a good pillow/blanket.




One more thing: the cat is a freakin ninja. You think he's in the living room? Wrong! Will is in a shrub, half a block away! Upstairs? No! He is is attacking your foot! Right now! Look at him go! Asleep? Haha! He is in your closet knocking over guitars and spilling shoes from from the top shelf! But mostly, he is in the shrub. He really loves that damn shrub.

What The Fuck Did You Do Last Night?

Hey loser I know you think you had fun last night and that's awesome--but we both know it's a lie. Because I didn't see you at Red White & Bruised which as everyone who was there knows was the only place in the world anyone was having any fun. It's cool though I know you really wanted to see the new Die Hard, grab a bite to eat, and floss so I'll cut you some slack and tell you all about it.

We know we have arrived when we see the bikers and girls on skates. They have a bar at the Dulles Sportsplex which is good because we're at a roller derby event. The armbands actually said beer on them. As Steen, Chris, and I watch the event we understand the rules nearly as well as I understand Soccer rules. To get around this we invented the Roller Derby motto: "Don't know, don't care, roller derby!"
The half time show was swing dancing. I'm sure it was really good, I have no proof of this because I was at the bar.

We saw a woman grab a left over beer and just carry it off. I can only assume she drank it.

Scare Force One our favorite team, who is also undefeated, had a mascot named Eric. I had to get a picture with him.I demand that we find the Roller Derby after party because there has to be one. Sure enough there is one at Asylum in Adams Morgan. They also provide a party bus to and from the games.

Chris is more into this sport than Steen and I, which is cool because he started to get autographs. We hop the metro also know as the slow piece of shit. Asylum is packed with bikers and roller derby girls. Also dudes is the office loser uniform polo shit, new faded jeans, and dress shoes. Chris gets more autographs, I drop a beer, and we argue about who gave who what sexually transmitted disease on the metro home. Chris asking people on the metro their opinion on the matter. I think the debate ended finally with Steen has the super clap.

So I Guess You'll Want Our Leader Then?

I figured the best way to start a new blog is by informing you all that our worst fears have come true. Aliens have taken over our planet, people all our bases are belong to them. With that said let us great our brutal new overlords by introducing our selves:

Eric is a devil may care secret agent with a heart of gold and penis…of a much harder metal. When I'm not slaying ninjas or laying kunoichi I write comic books and work awful temp jobs. I also have been know to drink the occasional case of beer.

Steen is captain of the U.S.S. Go Team Awesome! While she may not have a ship she drinks like a sailor all the same. In her spare time she also makes stupid sock creatures and produces this blog. I sense a change in career through probably to because a stripper or roller derby girl, maybe both.

We live together in Northern Virginia and attend one of the fine colleges found there. We fled the brutal oppression in the old country, Front Royal, to make a better life here. Some historians say you can actually follow the trail of beer cans from our migration.

This blog will document all the random strange kickass shit we just can't stop tell everyone about.